Epic avoidance?

NO-ONE has ever accused Education Minister Caitriona Ruane of failing to miss an opportunity to outline her case. This week, she took it all to the next level.

In an answer to a written Assembly question from DUP MLA Lord Browne on the potential cost to the Department of Education of ending funding for prep schools, Ms Ruane said that it was an equality issue, not an economic issue…in the 16th paragraph of her answer!

X marks the spot

Jack considers his options as an MP

ARRRGGHH there be gold for those that follow ye old pirate map that shows the way to Westminster…well there used to be!

In days of yesteryear, before freedom of information requests and expenses scandals, politicians seeking your ‘x’ on the Westminster ballot paper could look forward to finding a veritable trove of delights, should they persuade enough of us to ink the appropriate box.

But now the focus is just getting your vote.

And election fever has kicked into high gear, with almost all the candidates poised to hit the stump.

First out of the blocks in launching their campaign has been the DUP, with their errrrr inspirational and snappy ‘Let’s Keep Northern Ireland Moving Forward’ election campaign launched with suitable fanfare in Belfast on Thursday.

And, words came forth from party leader Peter Robinson like “contrite” and “apologise”. Who would have thought?

However, the main announcement was that DUP MLAs who scored with a Westminster seat would have to quit as MLA when they become an MP.

One has to wonder whether they would have taken such a tack had there not been such a public furore.

Let’s hope that all parties seeking an MP’s salary will take a similar course.

And, within the DUP there is an exception to the rule – the Party Leader will be allowed to be both an MP and an MLA should he be elected again to Westminster.

That means he will be an MP, an MLA, Party Leader and, at least for another year or so First Minister. Maybe we’ve got the maths wrong, but that’s quadruple jobbing.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right…

MONDAY’S weekly Assembly slanging match was all about the Education Minister ending the funding of preparatory schools this coming September.

The decision was greeted by howls of fury from any given unionist, plus mild grumping from the SDLP and Alliance.

Caitriona Ruane is once again proving herself to be a dab hand at annoying as many middle class people as she can.

But, one can’t but help wonder why the Unionist fury was so delayed. None of the political parties responded to the Department of Education’s public consultation on the issue. Jim Shannon did so, but as an individual MLA, not a party representative.

Seems they missed that consultation in the same way that Caitriona Ruane missed out on consulting the Children’s Commissioner, children, young people, pupils at preps, in fact pretty much a fair swathe of people who might genuinely have something to say on her proposed decision.

In the debate, Minister Ruane was accused of launching an ideological Jihad, which her Rottweiler-in-chief John O’Dowd was quick to dismiss with more verbal brickbats returned across the chamber.

Here’s a quick summary of what’s happening on the education front: academic selection is ending, but it’s not ending; some Roman Catholic schools are amalgamating, but some aren’t; some children know which primary school they will be going to in September and some don’t …

Education in Northern Ireland…where the children are stuck in the middle!

Shown the door

ONE has to admire the courage, tenacity and downright heroic acts of the Ulster Unionist Party.

Faced with a vote on policing and justice, the Ulster Unionist Party decided to argue on making the Executive work well, and education.

No matter the pleas of their Tory bedfellows; faced with pressure from the US administration; faced with criticism from the Secretary of State; faced with every other party and almost every other MLA voting in favour of devolution of policing and justice, the UUP resolutely stood their ground.

Except when deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness allegedly told them to ‘get out’ of his office…

Their courage must have faltered otherwise there should have been a sit-down protest, an unauthorised parade round Martin’s office and a poster campaign reminding the deputy First Minister of their Britishness.

Finally, to rub salt into their wounds the UUP were told by the last local politician that held the powers of policing and justice that they were wrong. He was, of course, the Ulster Unionist peer Lord Kilclooney.

Gospel according to elections: Chapter 72: verse 8

ELECTIONS are by their nature media circuses.

This time around the Westminster poll is set to have media stars of various shades setting forth to gain a coveted seat in the House of Commons.

Latest media star to enter the fray is Fearghal McKinney, latterly political correspondent of UTV and frontman for Fermanagh TV. Fearghal is hoping to snatch the Fermanagh and South Tyrone constituency.

He joins former UTV colleague Mike Nesbitt, who is entering the fray in Strangford.

Word has recently emerged that the actors union Equity may be set to challenge these nominations. Their argument is that as fully paid up actors, MPs should not be forced to work with rank amateur actors who can’t act and only work off auto-cues. They say that generations of parliamentarians have been acting as rational human beings for centuries, the last thing they need is someone who professionally questioned their rationality.

Then we have a Freddie Mercury tribute singer (‘Flash’ Harry Hamilton) and his rival for the Upper Bann seat, gospel singer David Simpson. Rather than voting, maybe there should be a sing-off between the two with Mike and Fearghal as judges, and a text vote from the public as the decider.

Simon Cowell has expressed an interest in this option. As this is a first past the post poll, it really will matter where you put your ‘X’. Bring on Northern Ireland’s first X-Factor election.

Voting for Confidence

The four Tenors sing

'El Agreemento del HIllsborough'

THERE is an air of confidence pervading over the forthcoming vote on policing and justice. Both First and deputy First Ministers seem content that they can achieve sufficient cross-community and cross-party support to win the day.


The DUP has done the maths about whether they really need the UUP as a signifier of community confidence. And with the Tory hierarchy leaning towards the devolution of policing and justice, it seems that pressure may be brought to bear for an abstention at least.


Factor in that the SDLP are on the proverbial horns of a dilemma. They want devolution of policing and justice in principle, but can’t be seen as too close to Sinn Féin. There may again be an abstention – or a huff over not getting the job!


In other words, if it comes to a vote the DUP and Sinn Féin are pretty confident!


Party grandees may not, however, be quite as confident about the Westminster election if either side is seen as not being able to deliver!

Smooth move

CULTURE Minister Nelson McCausland has long been a sort of Aunt Sally for Sinn Féin to throw their cultural dispersions at.


After all, the sabbatarian champion of all things Ulster-Scots has been a vocal opponent of all things Gaelic.


With a deft flick of the funding wrist Nelson wrong-footed his nay-sayers by approving half a million pounds for An Cultúrlann.


No matter that his pen may have hesitated before signing on the dotted line, the approval was given for the funding package.


But in Norn Iron nothing is simple.


So far, together with Nelson, the queue to claim credit for the funding includes Martin McGuinness and Margaret Ritchie. Is that the whiff of an election in the air?

Meanwhile west of the Bann

ARLENE Foster is reported to be delighted to be picked as the DUP’s candidate for Fermanagh and West Tyrone Westminster seat currently held by Sinn Fein’s Michelle Gildernew.

Michelle is allegedly reported as saying: “We used to be such close mates on the Executive I can’t understand why we are arguing about a Westminster seat with three people living in the area.”

Dagger eyes across the Executive table…situation normal then!

Other news…

Devolved policing no nearer despite the obvious need…DUP and Sinn Féin fighting over who’s a victim and who isn’t…UUP and SDLP publish policy documents and no-one notices…majority of population continues to despair at our politicians.

The harshest cut of all

IN case you haven’t noticed, times are tight. And it looks like they are about to get tougher. The Conservative Party and Labour say there will be cuts in public spending. The Ulster Unionists and SDLP say there is hole in finances of NI plc. The DUP warns the block grant that the Treasury hands over may also be cut.

El Presidente…sorry First Minister Peter Robinson, says that this a golden chance to cut down bureaucracy.

His party’s plans to cut back on Government departments will never receive cross-community backing in the lifetime of this Assembly, which leaves him – and all in the Executive in a bit of a quandary. When, rather than if, the block grant is cut where to make the cuts?

The Review of Public Administration has already cut away some unnecessary layers of public service. Cutting or merging any more so-called quangos would at best save a couple of million pounds a year, and demands on the public purse are not likely to ease.

That leaves…front line public services. Across Northern Ireland most are already subject to three per cent cuts year on year. So what’s left? Health and social services: it’s the biggest, but as the population lives longer thanks to the doctors and nurses costs can only be cut by cutting services. And making doctors, nurses work ever harder…

Education: A rare phenomenon in western Europe here is that statistically births are increasing. This means that the planned cull of schools may be a little premature. The option open to the government here is therefore bigger class sizes and fewer teachers.

Without labouring the point the only realistic cuts in these straightened times will be among front line services.

Somehow Northern Ireland’s political classes believe that the Orange Green axis of voters will ignore all this and just keep voting them in.

But, they can perhaps make, at least a gesture towards showing that they care; a display of empathy even.

Every politician could agree to take a 10% pay cut. Equally, every public or civil servant earning more than 50k a year could take a 10% pay cut. Every politician, public or civil servant earning more than 100k could take a 20k pay cut. It wouldn’t stave off economic meltdown but it would show that they care.

The likelihood of said people ever taking such a pay cut? As likely as a resolution of the post primary school transfer mess happening before hell freezes over.

Libya and irony…important lessons

PARIAH states sometimes become good mates. This is a fact of international diplomacy that seems to fly in the face of logic, reason or even the ability of a reporter to understand.

Libya is likely to be a case study for future studies of the paranormal in politics.

To recap: Libya once was a ‘bad country’; Libya stood accused of being behind the Lockerbie plane bombing; Libya pays compensation to victims of Lockerbie; Libyan man convicted of said bombing released from jail in Scotland because he was dying; Prime Minister accused of dodgy deals on release of bomber; victims groups in Northern Ireland want compensation over Libya arming IRA in the 80s; and UK and US oil companies vying for contracts in the north African state.

And now, to complete the ever winding moral maze of relationships it emerges that PSNI officers have been helping training Libyan police officers in the UK and Libya.

Cue unionist politicians’ outrage and disbelief…which underscores the irony of not having policing and justice devolved. Had these powers been devolved, a Northern Ireland Executive Minister would, at the very least, have been informed of the location of deployed officers seconded to the National Police Improvement Agency.

Irony point number one: Libya which used to back paramilitaries who killed Northern Ireland police officers now has its police force being trained by Northern Ireland police officers.

Irony point number two: Sinn Féin, who used to care about such things don’t even raise an eyebrow at these conundrums.

Irony point number three: Nobody outside Northern Ireland cares about any of this, and no-one in the United Nations will notice.

School marm Linda chides the children

SOMETIMES there is a moment on radio that is simply too priceless to ignore. Linda MaCauley, sitting in for Nolan on Thursday of this week, had the task of mediating between the DUP’s Jeffrey Donaldson and Sinn Féin’s Martina Anderson.

Repeatedly she told them to ‘stop’ mid-rant, compared them to children and berated their refusal to let the other ‘child’ have their say.

The “Biggest Show in the Country” was generating the biggest laugh in the country as the hapless politicos tried to make out that the ‘other side’ was telling porkie pies.

The subject of the row…well it was about how everyone in Northern Ireland should work together.

To keep it simple (for any politicians who may be reading) Sinn Féin published their proposals on a way forward for a better, happier Northern Ireland. The DUP said that this wasn’t the way forward for the better, happier Northern Ireland that they wanted.

What is not in dispute is the fact that if the DUP and Sinn Féin ever agree their ‘Cohesion, Integration and Sharing Strategy’, it is unlikely to have much of an impact on Jeffrey and Martina.

Penalty kick…

The old saying that too often applies to politics in Northern Ireland is that you couldn’t make this stuff up. And you really couldn’t make up the Busman’s Holiday that four of our local MLAs are undertaking.

Given the quips, jests and venomous slagging undertaken by MLAs, it should come as no surprise to find out that Democratic Unionist Sammy Wilson, the SDLP’s Alasdair McDonnell, Sinn Féin’s Barry McElduff and Ulster Unionist Basil McCrea are to take to the stage with a stand-up comedy routine.

Surely it’s just a change of venue as this fearsome foursome try to fumble the funny bone of laughter...September 25th is the date. The Ramada Encore is the venue.

Speaking of the SDLP

Okay, we know you weren’t but we are now. One of the giggling gaggle of MLAs mentioned above has been gagging with vitriol this week.

Alasdair McDonnell launched an unrestrained attack on Sinn Féin, resulting in acres of newsprint, radio phone ins and a hysterical (in both senses of the word!) debate on the blogosphere.

The thrust of the criticism from South Belfast MP is that Sinn Féin are acting in a spirit of self-preservation rather than fostering democracy and debate. He claimed that the party has helped create a dual dictatorship with their Executive co-conspirators, the DUP.

Now, it may be just a coincidence…and sometimes coincidences do happen in politics – but Fianna Fail hinted this week that their potential foray on to the hustings may be rejuvenated.

So Fianna Fail is on shaky ground in government in Dublin; the SDLP wants more seats on the Executive at the next election…so let’s all pick on Sinn Féin!

Or maybe Dr McDonnell simply believes a bit of ‘Shinner’ bashing will go down well with unionist voters in the leafy suburbs of south Belfast, ahead of the Westminster poll.

A stand-up routine including Alasdair McDonnell and Barry McElduff…could be interesting.

Lost a councillor?

Have you spotted a stray councillor wandering the streets of Fermanagh? Answering to the name Domhnall O’Cobhthaigh, he was last seen cuddling up the Socialist Party and complaining that his former Sinn Féin masters just weren’t looking after the working man.

If you see Domhnall, call Connolly House and help them retrieve their wayward son.

Education leaflet

Before the summer break, we commented on the chaos of trying to understand the best way to get a P7 pupil transferred in to post-primary education.

Those warriors of prose and disciples of the comprehensive at the Department of Education, have now produced a leaflet. Yes a leaflet. Described by proponents of testing as ‘helpful’, it contains information.

The system is still a mess, but now we have information on the mess.

Resolution between the DUP and Sinn Féin on education…now that’s a stand-up routine all by itself.

Oh! For flat sake!

SINN Féin is to give up its two London flats in what the party leadership says was an exercise in getting value for money.

It means that the £9,000 per month towards the flats will no longer be paid and MPs visiting London will book hotel rooms instead.

It is tempting to look in a couple of years time to see what the actual saving would be, but that would be churlish and only the sort of person who thinks Gerry and Co were claiming for property they didn’t really use or need would suggest such a thing…

Welcome to NI

NEW PSNI Chief Constable (elect) Matt Baggott looked pretty pleased with himself after landing the top spot here – but one has to wonder what he has thought about since signing on the dotted line.

As a devout signed up Christian, he ticked the DUP’s box; and as an advocate of community policing he ticked the Sinn Féin box.

At which point DUP or Sinn Féin is ticked off by Baggot is a matter of when as to opposed to if; and he no doubt will be ticked off by their contrary attitudes on a regular basis.

As he reflected after his appointment, one wonders whether he took a deep breath and wondered what he had gotten himself into.

Radio talk shows had atheists crying foul over his appointment and dissident republican supporters claiming armed struggle would continue.

Then comes the policing of so-called contentious parades…and then the controversy over the use of Tasers…and then devolution of policing and justice…and then…

A word of advice to Mr Baggott - take the attitude of Sir Hugh Orde and go on TV/radio once a month, disagree with everyone and agree with yourself. It pays to keep as many people as confused as possible as often as possible.

Isn't it ironic.....

It was ironic that as the ballot papers were counted in for the election race to Europe, it was Europe that summed it all up with its iconic 80’s song ‘The final countdown’. And what a final countdown it was too, with a surreal excitement appearing as the voting slips were being sifted and tallied to give a picture on the shape of Northern Ireland politics that few could have foreseen.

European polls used to be seen as a simple sectarian headcount, with the usual two unionist candidates elected, and the SDLP’s John Hume securing the nationalist seat.

Since 2004 the SDLP seat has become almost impossible to win for the party. Sinn Féin edged the SDLP out, and now we have, what had previously been entirely unforeseen, Sinn Féin topping the poll and elected on first count. Oh, how things have changed.

That they have lost their one European seat in the Republic of Ireland – previously held by Sinn Féin deputy leader, Mary Lou MacDonald – will be quickly skirted over by the party.

The reduction of seats in the Dublin Euro constituency from four to three always made it more difficult for MacDonald to hold on. However, whatever the reasons for the loss, Sinn Fein can no longer claim to have all-island European representation.

However, the battle royale between the three Unionist candidates has been the one most closely watched by the pundits.

Even when Ian Paisley Senior stepped aside, Jim Allister – then standing as the DUP candidate – was virtually guaranteed a seat in the European Parliament. This time, the party’s candidate Diane Dodds held onto that hitherto ‘safe’ DUP seat by her fingernails.

The collapse of the DUP vote can be attributed to many factors. The party was not untouched by the MPs’ expenses scandal despite the robust defence by Peter Robinson and Gregory Campbell on the airwaves. Also, whether Dodds was the right candidate will be subjected to an in-party post-mortem discussion. Her performance on the BBC’s Politics Show was criticised by pundits and slammed on reputable websites. But, was it more a case that no-one else in the party wanted to accept the poisoned chalice of running against Jim Allister?

Allister’s TUV ran a clear and competent campaign, albeit one focussed on negativity directed entirely at the DUP. Even though he lost his seat 70,000 votes is some showing and will be a jolt to the DUP. A jolt that will have DUP strategists scratching their heads in advance of Westminster and Stormont elections.

Strategists behind the Conservative/Ulster Unionist match-up will be a little more content at the showing of Jim Nicholson. While he was 6,000 first preference votes short of Dodds total, it represents a credible first outing for a marriage that had a rocky start. Whether Nicholson has benefited from the Conservative bounce on the back of Labour’s election woes or not, it will be seen by the Cameron-ites of the UUP as justification for moving forward with the tentative alliance.

But when the dust has settled on the election results, and the pundits pore over the ramifications for future elections the fact remains that we have three MEPs.

In the new dynamic of an extended European Union, the voice of Northern Ireland can no longer be guaranteed to be heard on key debates on the economy, agriculture, structural funding and other pressing matters.

European gravy tastes much better than Westminster gravy or Assembly fudge, but it will be up to our newly elected MEPs to prove that they deserve our continued electoral support.

McGreevy murder – the problem with policing and justice

The trouble with attempting to have your cake and eating it is that the crumbs make a terrible mess. So it is with Sinn Féin. Endorsing policing at a regional level, but still playing to community reservations about how reformed the police actually are, ends up with no one being particularly happy.

Policing and justice are things that ideally one shouldn’t attempt to equivocate about. Just as you can’t be half pregnant you can’t support the police in theory, turn a blind eye to the existence of the IRA Army Council, and express reservations about aspects of policing on the ground.
By doing so Sinn Féin has caused itself two problems. Unionist politicians have found their stance to be reason enough (rightly or wrongly) to block the devolution of policing and justice. Sinn Fein have rattled the cage over this but short of bringing down the institutions there is very little they can do about it.

The bigger problem presented by their ambiguous stance is the growth of disquiet amongst the nationalist electorate about perceived ‘lawlessness’ in certain areas of Northern Ireland.
No one under estimates the difficulty for Sinn Féin, given its history, in giving its full stamp of approval to policing in NI but the public expressions of support that leading members of the party have given have not yet been enough to persuade – an understandably sceptical population – to fully engage with the PSNI to combat crime in West Belfast and South Armagh.
Perhaps only time will change things because short of Gerry Adams physically accompanying the PSNI on patrol it is difficult to see what else Sinn Féin can do to convince nationalist residents in places like West Belfast to help the police.

Likewise perhaps only time (and the ‘disbandment’ of the Army Council?) will convince unionists to agree to the devolution of policing and justice. Indeed we may have to wait until a new raft of post Troubles politicians come forward in Sinn Féin and the DUP for this to happen successfully.