Wise men came from the east

IT is said that the wise men came from the east. And every Glentoran fan maintains this to be the case. But can a wise woman from the east represent the ‘wise men’ from the east in Westminster?

It’s set to be the battle of the party leaders as Peter Robinson seeks to enhance his 49% poll share last time out in East Belfast and Sir Reg Empey, MLA for the area, wants to nibble away at the DUP poll backing with his Westminster candidate for the consitituency, former Irish rugby star, Trevor Ringland.

And into the fray is the Lord Mayor, Naomi Long of the Alliance Party.

In the past two elections in East Belfast, Alliance has been nudging the 20% mark. Given Ms Long’s profile as Mayor, she could attract a few extra votes. But where will these come from? Will it be from DUP female voters? Or will her moderate tones appeal to UUP voters who are Tory refusniks? Or will it be from Sinn Féin voters who think that Ms Long is so nice she deserves that wee ‘x’ on the ballot paper?

Where Naomi takes votes from could indicate so much. On the other hand it will show so little in the first past the post poll.

What can be said definitively is that should Ms Long drive a wedge between the unionist dominance, the Liberal Democrats would be eternally grateful for what would effectively be an extra seat when it comes to bargaining in what the pollsters predict will be a hung Parliament.

X marks the spot

Jack considers his options as an MP

ARRRGGHH there be gold for those that follow ye old pirate map that shows the way to Westminster…well there used to be!

In days of yesteryear, before freedom of information requests and expenses scandals, politicians seeking your ‘x’ on the Westminster ballot paper could look forward to finding a veritable trove of delights, should they persuade enough of us to ink the appropriate box.

But now the focus is just getting your vote.

And election fever has kicked into high gear, with almost all the candidates poised to hit the stump.

First out of the blocks in launching their campaign has been the DUP, with their errrrr inspirational and snappy ‘Let’s Keep Northern Ireland Moving Forward’ election campaign launched with suitable fanfare in Belfast on Thursday.

And, words came forth from party leader Peter Robinson like “contrite” and “apologise”. Who would have thought?

However, the main announcement was that DUP MLAs who scored with a Westminster seat would have to quit as MLA when they become an MP.

One has to wonder whether they would have taken such a tack had there not been such a public furore.

Let’s hope that all parties seeking an MP’s salary will take a similar course.

And, within the DUP there is an exception to the rule – the Party Leader will be allowed to be both an MP and an MLA should he be elected again to Westminster.

That means he will be an MP, an MLA, Party Leader and, at least for another year or so First Minister. Maybe we’ve got the maths wrong, but that’s quadruple jobbing.

Gospel according to elections: Chapter 72: verse 8

ELECTIONS are by their nature media circuses.

This time around the Westminster poll is set to have media stars of various shades setting forth to gain a coveted seat in the House of Commons.

Latest media star to enter the fray is Fearghal McKinney, latterly political correspondent of UTV and frontman for Fermanagh TV. Fearghal is hoping to snatch the Fermanagh and South Tyrone constituency.

He joins former UTV colleague Mike Nesbitt, who is entering the fray in Strangford.

Word has recently emerged that the actors union Equity may be set to challenge these nominations. Their argument is that as fully paid up actors, MPs should not be forced to work with rank amateur actors who can’t act and only work off auto-cues. They say that generations of parliamentarians have been acting as rational human beings for centuries, the last thing they need is someone who professionally questioned their rationality.

Then we have a Freddie Mercury tribute singer (‘Flash’ Harry Hamilton) and his rival for the Upper Bann seat, gospel singer David Simpson. Rather than voting, maybe there should be a sing-off between the two with Mike and Fearghal as judges, and a text vote from the public as the decider.

Simon Cowell has expressed an interest in this option. As this is a first past the post poll, it really will matter where you put your ‘X’. Bring on Northern Ireland’s first X-Factor election.

Opening mouth to change feet

NEW Justice Minister – awaiting confirmation of course – David Ford seems to have all the qualifications necessary to sit on the Northern Ireland Executive; that is the ability to annoy people.


His ‘pointless’ reference to the Saville Inquiry managed to irritate almost all of the nationalist community.


But still it must rank as some sort of record, annoying so many people in so short a time with one word!

Don’t Panic!

Elections are coming

EMBLAZZONED on the cover of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and uttered by Corporal Jones in Dad’s Army, let’s all say it…Don’t Panic! After all, it’s only an election.


Yes, dust down your ear protectors because our political candidates are warming up the megaphones; ready to blast the airwaves and your sensibilities, leaving most voters to decide which shade of green or orange they want to vote for…or so it has always been.


Of course, Sir Reg wants us all to think that he and his mates in the Conservative Party are offering us access to national politics and a say in the policies of the next government of the UK, which will be orange with a hint of blue…or orange going off in the fruit basket.


And those nice yellow-coloured chappies in the Alliance Party want to remind us all that they offer a middle road, one which leads to David becoming Justice Minister. Or as one wag said…becoming complicit in the Executive’s injustice system.

The power of the internet!

THE much heralded and much damned interweb has been a boon for and the bane of politicians.

As the evidence from the US proved, a well run online campaign can lead to electoral victory.

But when the political chips are stacked against a politician, or that politician is mired in a ‘scandal’ the world wide web becomes a voracious beast, sucking up rumour and innuendo; a place where leaks can be contrived or accidental.

The name of Iris Robinson’s alleged teenage lover was online well before Spotlight aired, and mainstream media stories are trailed before the prints roll.

All this heralds the dawn of a new age for politics in Northern Ireland: in previous years a spin doctor had only political correspondents and the corridor gossip of Stormont to contend with.

Now they have to deal with the great unwashed even when there’s no election afoot!

Which means that there are potentially hundreds of thousands of people who can freely express their views and opinions at all hours of the day; people who can pass on stories within seconds; and people who can spread allegations before lawyers have woken up.

While the risk of these allegations finding their way into court always exists, the damage to a politician can be extensive before the courts or mainstream media have considered the story.

So, we may have dawning upon us the age when a spin doctor’s job is to co-ordinate responses, monitor blogs and forums and generally make sure his party masters have a strategic presence and plan for the world wide web.

Look forward to advertisements reading “communications officer required; must be a political anorak and a web geek”.

Cheap at half the price

SURE it’s only an election…

While the NI Executive is rowing about the cost of devolving Policing and Justice, it has emerged just how costly elections can be!

The Electoral Commission in Northern Ireland has released the figures for the Euro poll.

And one cannot help but wonder whether the Alliance Party is ruing the price tag of more than 43 grand on defector Cllr Ian Parsley…

The DUP coughed up almost 14 big ones more than Jim Allister’s TUV in their campaign, while Sinn Féin spent £13,000 more than the SDLP.

But…the Ulster Unionists and Conservatives submitted separate returns for Jim Nicholson. The UUP said they spent £34k on Nicholson, while the Conservatives said they spent more than £60k.

Best Facebook post award goes to…

CARRICK councillor Stewart Dickson said of councillor Ian Parsley’s defection to the Conservatives: “All the night in the rain for that [expletive deleted].”

Other Alliance members have been a little more temperate in their language in public, but privately…!

Strangely Parsley seems to have disappeared off Councillor Dickson’s Facebook friends list…