Epic avoidance?

NO-ONE has ever accused Education Minister Caitriona Ruane of failing to miss an opportunity to outline her case. This week, she took it all to the next level.

In an answer to a written Assembly question from DUP MLA Lord Browne on the potential cost to the Department of Education of ending funding for prep schools, Ms Ruane said that it was an equality issue, not an economic issue…in the 16th paragraph of her answer!

X marks the spot

Jack considers his options as an MP

ARRRGGHH there be gold for those that follow ye old pirate map that shows the way to Westminster…well there used to be!

In days of yesteryear, before freedom of information requests and expenses scandals, politicians seeking your ‘x’ on the Westminster ballot paper could look forward to finding a veritable trove of delights, should they persuade enough of us to ink the appropriate box.

But now the focus is just getting your vote.

And election fever has kicked into high gear, with almost all the candidates poised to hit the stump.

First out of the blocks in launching their campaign has been the DUP, with their errrrr inspirational and snappy ‘Let’s Keep Northern Ireland Moving Forward’ election campaign launched with suitable fanfare in Belfast on Thursday.

And, words came forth from party leader Peter Robinson like “contrite” and “apologise”. Who would have thought?

However, the main announcement was that DUP MLAs who scored with a Westminster seat would have to quit as MLA when they become an MP.

One has to wonder whether they would have taken such a tack had there not been such a public furore.

Let’s hope that all parties seeking an MP’s salary will take a similar course.

And, within the DUP there is an exception to the rule – the Party Leader will be allowed to be both an MP and an MLA should he be elected again to Westminster.

That means he will be an MP, an MLA, Party Leader and, at least for another year or so First Minister. Maybe we’ve got the maths wrong, but that’s quadruple jobbing.

Sainsbury's buys out the Northern Ireland Assembly

According to today’s Belfast Telegraph, the Chief Executive of Sainsbury’s, Justin King, is pictured with two new employees of the supermarket giant.

They are Mid Ulster MLA Billy Armstrong and South Belfast MLA Conall McDevitt. Another case of ‘double jobbing’?

See below picture to provide you with the hilarity of it all.

Source: Page 36 of the Belfast Telegraph's Business Telegraph, Monday 22 March 2010

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right…

MONDAY’S weekly Assembly slanging match was all about the Education Minister ending the funding of preparatory schools this coming September.

The decision was greeted by howls of fury from any given unionist, plus mild grumping from the SDLP and Alliance.

Caitriona Ruane is once again proving herself to be a dab hand at annoying as many middle class people as she can.

But, one can’t but help wonder why the Unionist fury was so delayed. None of the political parties responded to the Department of Education’s public consultation on the issue. Jim Shannon did so, but as an individual MLA, not a party representative.

Seems they missed that consultation in the same way that Caitriona Ruane missed out on consulting the Children’s Commissioner, children, young people, pupils at preps, in fact pretty much a fair swathe of people who might genuinely have something to say on her proposed decision.

In the debate, Minister Ruane was accused of launching an ideological Jihad, which her Rottweiler-in-chief John O’Dowd was quick to dismiss with more verbal brickbats returned across the chamber.

Here’s a quick summary of what’s happening on the education front: academic selection is ending, but it’s not ending; some Roman Catholic schools are amalgamating, but some aren’t; some children know which primary school they will be going to in September and some don’t …

Education in Northern Ireland…where the children are stuck in the middle!

Gospel according to elections: Chapter 72: verse 8

ELECTIONS are by their nature media circuses.

This time around the Westminster poll is set to have media stars of various shades setting forth to gain a coveted seat in the House of Commons.

Latest media star to enter the fray is Fearghal McKinney, latterly political correspondent of UTV and frontman for Fermanagh TV. Fearghal is hoping to snatch the Fermanagh and South Tyrone constituency.

He joins former UTV colleague Mike Nesbitt, who is entering the fray in Strangford.

Word has recently emerged that the actors union Equity may be set to challenge these nominations. Their argument is that as fully paid up actors, MPs should not be forced to work with rank amateur actors who can’t act and only work off auto-cues. They say that generations of parliamentarians have been acting as rational human beings for centuries, the last thing they need is someone who professionally questioned their rationality.

Then we have a Freddie Mercury tribute singer (‘Flash’ Harry Hamilton) and his rival for the Upper Bann seat, gospel singer David Simpson. Rather than voting, maybe there should be a sing-off between the two with Mike and Fearghal as judges, and a text vote from the public as the decider.

Simon Cowell has expressed an interest in this option. As this is a first past the post poll, it really will matter where you put your ‘X’. Bring on Northern Ireland’s first X-Factor election.

Voting for Confidence

The four Tenors sing

'El Agreemento del HIllsborough'

THERE is an air of confidence pervading over the forthcoming vote on policing and justice. Both First and deputy First Ministers seem content that they can achieve sufficient cross-community and cross-party support to win the day.


The DUP has done the maths about whether they really need the UUP as a signifier of community confidence. And with the Tory hierarchy leaning towards the devolution of policing and justice, it seems that pressure may be brought to bear for an abstention at least.


Factor in that the SDLP are on the proverbial horns of a dilemma. They want devolution of policing and justice in principle, but can’t be seen as too close to Sinn Féin. There may again be an abstention – or a huff over not getting the job!


In other words, if it comes to a vote the DUP and Sinn Féin are pretty confident!


Party grandees may not, however, be quite as confident about the Westminster election if either side is seen as not being able to deliver!

Old stager steps aside

Eddie McGrady not standing
 for Westmninster

THE venerable old stager remaining in the SDLP elected ranks, Eddie McGrady, has sad he will not stand for his Westminster seat in South Down, after 23 years as a MP.


Eddie’s decision opens a political, and dare we say it, an election can of worms.


His heir apparent is one Margaret Ritchie, possessor of the party leadership. And that’s a party that is committed to end double jobbing. So if she grabs the seat then it will be out with the Ministerial post and MLA slot.


But one can always be too quick to assume what way an election will go. After all Eddie McGrady snatched the seat from Enoch Powell. And Ritchie is up against the ever-popular Education Minister Catriona Ruane.

The power of the internet!

THE much heralded and much damned interweb has been a boon for and the bane of politicians.

As the evidence from the US proved, a well run online campaign can lead to electoral victory.

But when the political chips are stacked against a politician, or that politician is mired in a ‘scandal’ the world wide web becomes a voracious beast, sucking up rumour and innuendo; a place where leaks can be contrived or accidental.

The name of Iris Robinson’s alleged teenage lover was online well before Spotlight aired, and mainstream media stories are trailed before the prints roll.

All this heralds the dawn of a new age for politics in Northern Ireland: in previous years a spin doctor had only political correspondents and the corridor gossip of Stormont to contend with.

Now they have to deal with the great unwashed even when there’s no election afoot!

Which means that there are potentially hundreds of thousands of people who can freely express their views and opinions at all hours of the day; people who can pass on stories within seconds; and people who can spread allegations before lawyers have woken up.

While the risk of these allegations finding their way into court always exists, the damage to a politician can be extensive before the courts or mainstream media have considered the story.

So, we may have dawning upon us the age when a spin doctor’s job is to co-ordinate responses, monitor blogs and forums and generally make sure his party masters have a strategic presence and plan for the world wide web.

Look forward to advertisements reading “communications officer required; must be a political anorak and a web geek”.

DUP cash payback secret

THE DUP has decided not to say how much their MPs had to pay back in Parliamentary expenses.

The SDLP, Sinn Féin and the Ulster Unionist MPs on the other hand have all divulged how much they’ve coughed up in re-payment of expenses.

Seven of the nine DUP Parliamentarians were asked to re-pay money in the wake of the Legge Review, but just how much each have re-paid has not been revealed.

One wonders why not? Conspiracy theorists feel free to fill any blanks…or call the Nolan Show.

Other news…

Devolved policing no nearer despite the obvious need…DUP and Sinn Féin fighting over who’s a victim and who isn’t…UUP and SDLP publish policy documents and no-one notices…majority of population continues to despair at our politicians.

The harshest cut of all

IN case you haven’t noticed, times are tight. And it looks like they are about to get tougher. The Conservative Party and Labour say there will be cuts in public spending. The Ulster Unionists and SDLP say there is hole in finances of NI plc. The DUP warns the block grant that the Treasury hands over may also be cut.

El Presidente…sorry First Minister Peter Robinson, says that this a golden chance to cut down bureaucracy.

His party’s plans to cut back on Government departments will never receive cross-community backing in the lifetime of this Assembly, which leaves him – and all in the Executive in a bit of a quandary. When, rather than if, the block grant is cut where to make the cuts?

The Review of Public Administration has already cut away some unnecessary layers of public service. Cutting or merging any more so-called quangos would at best save a couple of million pounds a year, and demands on the public purse are not likely to ease.

That leaves…front line public services. Across Northern Ireland most are already subject to three per cent cuts year on year. So what’s left? Health and social services: it’s the biggest, but as the population lives longer thanks to the doctors and nurses costs can only be cut by cutting services. And making doctors, nurses work ever harder…

Education: A rare phenomenon in western Europe here is that statistically births are increasing. This means that the planned cull of schools may be a little premature. The option open to the government here is therefore bigger class sizes and fewer teachers.

Without labouring the point the only realistic cuts in these straightened times will be among front line services.

Somehow Northern Ireland’s political classes believe that the Orange Green axis of voters will ignore all this and just keep voting them in.

But, they can perhaps make, at least a gesture towards showing that they care; a display of empathy even.

Every politician could agree to take a 10% pay cut. Equally, every public or civil servant earning more than 50k a year could take a 10% pay cut. Every politician, public or civil servant earning more than 100k could take a 20k pay cut. It wouldn’t stave off economic meltdown but it would show that they care.

The likelihood of said people ever taking such a pay cut? As likely as a resolution of the post primary school transfer mess happening before hell freezes over.

Penalty kick…

The old saying that too often applies to politics in Northern Ireland is that you couldn’t make this stuff up. And you really couldn’t make up the Busman’s Holiday that four of our local MLAs are undertaking.

Given the quips, jests and venomous slagging undertaken by MLAs, it should come as no surprise to find out that Democratic Unionist Sammy Wilson, the SDLP’s Alasdair McDonnell, Sinn Féin’s Barry McElduff and Ulster Unionist Basil McCrea are to take to the stage with a stand-up comedy routine.

Surely it’s just a change of venue as this fearsome foursome try to fumble the funny bone of laughter...September 25th is the date. The Ramada Encore is the venue.

Speaking of the SDLP

Okay, we know you weren’t but we are now. One of the giggling gaggle of MLAs mentioned above has been gagging with vitriol this week.

Alasdair McDonnell launched an unrestrained attack on Sinn Féin, resulting in acres of newsprint, radio phone ins and a hysterical (in both senses of the word!) debate on the blogosphere.

The thrust of the criticism from South Belfast MP is that Sinn Féin are acting in a spirit of self-preservation rather than fostering democracy and debate. He claimed that the party has helped create a dual dictatorship with their Executive co-conspirators, the DUP.

Now, it may be just a coincidence…and sometimes coincidences do happen in politics – but Fianna Fail hinted this week that their potential foray on to the hustings may be rejuvenated.

So Fianna Fail is on shaky ground in government in Dublin; the SDLP wants more seats on the Executive at the next election…so let’s all pick on Sinn Féin!

Or maybe Dr McDonnell simply believes a bit of ‘Shinner’ bashing will go down well with unionist voters in the leafy suburbs of south Belfast, ahead of the Westminster poll.

A stand-up routine including Alasdair McDonnell and Barry McElduff…could be interesting.

Five year plan

A LONG time ago in the USSR – for younger readers that was Russia with knobs on - someone decreed that there should be five year plans to ensure planned development.

This week the Ulster Unionists - in their party leader’s absence (Sir Reg is out of the country) and without recourse to their Conservative bed fellows (you know, that lot that may be in power next year) announced their belief that there should be a five year plan to devolve policing. It is to be called a ‘test period’.

The plan, involving ways and means to extract more money from the cash-strapped Treasury, appeals to conspiracy theorists… and the SDLP…as a sign that the DUP would use the UUP opposition, to devolution of policing and justice, as a way of stopping it without being caught at the scene of the crime.

The Ulster Unionist plan appeared in the document ‘Putting it Right’. Disappointingly for conspiracy theorists, much of the document was about criticising the DUP (or was this a cunning double bluff?!?) and the planning for financial planning of Northern Ireland’s planned economy. Did I mention there was a plan in there somewhere?

But there is a fatal flaw in calling for urgent cost savings – the DUP wants to slash Government departments, which under D’Hondt would mean less Ministerial posts for the Ulster Unionists.