The best laid plans of mice and men…

YOU can plan for every eventuality then something comes out of left field and throws all your carefully constructed contingencies into chaos.

No matter what your political hue, no matter your community cry, it seems we now destined to live with that worst Chinese curse – to live in interesting times.

The best laid plans are awry, and now plans must be revived, amended and ultimately thrown away on a daily, if not hourly basis.

The devolution of policing and justice has been heralded for too long as the deal breaker, the final piece.

At the turn of the year few could have suspected that certain local politicians were being watched by an ever voracious media, preparing to unleash a storm of stories that some have dubbed the ‘perfect political storm’.

And, at the time of writing no-one, except those cloistered behind closed doors at Stormont Castle, can tell how close we are to witnessing the devolution of policing and justice or how close we are to real political collapse.

Cash crises

IF the cost of preventing climate change seems high, the cost to NI plc of not devolving policing and justice could soon prove very high indeed in these cash-strapped times.

Gordon Brown has warned that if we don’t get it sorted soon the ‘generous financial settlement’ may be off the table.

Trying to save the world is comparable to the trials and tribulations of our so-called political elite.

Gordon must be pondering whether that the £1 billion bonanza promised for policing and justice could be used to save a South Seas island from devastating floods rather than thrown down the political black hole that passes for democracy here in ‘Norn Iron’.

I fought the law, and the law won!

AS The Clash so memorably sang in their cover of the Sonny Curtis song, ‘I needed money ‘cause I has none; I fought the law, and the law won’; so our political classes have been struggling with the concept of devolving policing and justice when Treasury purse strings are tied tighter than ever.

But wait…there is a bank of Yanks waiting to plough their investment into our ‘wee country’ as soon as these powers are devolved to Northern Ireland.

According to the logic of Shaun Woodward, if policing and justice is devolved, hordes of US investors will come storming across the Atlantic, wallets stuffed with cash ready to set up shop in every hole in the hedge. As soon as PSNI officers can gaze affectionately upon their new masters in Parliament Buildings the world will be set to rights.

Our ever beneficent Secretary of State is so confident that he told the Labour conference that US Secretary of State Hilary ‘I’m not just Bill’s wife’ Clinton will be gracing us with her presence.

So, let’s get this straight. This week the Conservatives are holding their party conference in Manchester. It just so happens that Gordon Brown is be coming across to Northern Ireland this same week to ‘bash some heads together’ and get devolution of policing and justice well and truly sorted. Of course, that won’t steal any headlines from the Tories…

And, should Hilary rock up with investment in hand a week or so later, who’s going to be grabbing headlines again.

Stage management? Chance would be a fine thing.