Eye on the Hill

Just go away

REGULAR readers of these articles know that their purpose is to take a light-hearted look at some of the issues on the local political scene, while informing readers of some of the stories they may have missed.

The general tone is that of a wry, not cynical, observer; watching both the successful, and sometimes less than successful, endeavours of our elected representatives and officials to keep the machinations of our “boring politics” ticking along.

This week we were planning on some commentary about the motion on reducing the voting age, the cut in airport tax and how a rich man is debating about child poverty.

That changed on Thursday.

On Thursday gunmen shot and killed prison officer David Black. On Thursday gunmen carried out a planned exercise in barbarity.

With two men arrested, we cannot say much more about the actual crime. But what we can say is that such acts are the product of a mindset that offers nothing in the 21st century.

Whatever way their mindset rationalises their terror campaign, what do they hope to achieve? Better hospital services? An improved education system? More jobs? A united Ireland?

They have become so obsessed with achieving their political aims by the gun; committing atrocities that they hope will de-stabilise devolution, bring back direct rule and provoke a disproportionate response. They want to return to the dark era of the Troubles.

What else are they seeking to achieve? They have not articulated their wants and desires. They have not declared their stance on the voting age. They have not outlined their approach to combating child poverty. In fact, they say very little other than to claim responsibility for their actions; speaking through the barrel of a gun or expressing their views with explosives.

Whatever your politics, such people deserve no place in our society other than to be behind bars.

As policy wonks, we may at times, and in jest, mock those on the Hill, but we join them in condemning the actions of those that would seek to destroy the stability and peace that many have worked hard to achieve.

As has been said before, “boring is good for Northern Ireland”.

Eye on the Hill

Can I vote please?

FECKLESS, lazy and indolent! But enough about our politicians, here's some news to gladden the heart of every pupil entranced by the glitzy glamour of being part of decision-making! Sinn Féin are to propose a motion that will enable every 16-year-old yob to vote.

MLA Megan Fearon, not much older herself at the politically unheard of age of 21, is reported as saying: "Many young people are feeling disenfranchised from the electoral process even though at 16 young people are very politically aware and able to make informed choices.

Ms Fearon may be right about this - plonk an MLA in front a group of young people and the MLA usually stumbles away ready for the relative ease of a plenary session.

We are all too well aware that the glamour of voting may wear off after one vote in a primary school assembly hall with stubby pencils and baffling lists of no hopers and people who won't get elected too.

However, Ms Fearon may well have hit upon a grand idea here - let more people whose services are decided upon actually have a say over which numpty will be debating the issues in the Norn Iron Assembly! After all is said and done the grey vote is much talked about, the pink vote is not talked about, so let's have a vote for another group who can quickly align themselves to one side of the political divide or another.

 While the motion proposed by Ms Fearon appears to have some weight in terms of EU guidance - and a precedent is set to be set in Scotland - one wonders if the greybeards in the Assembly will really want more people out there voting. Come polling time it must be reassuring to wander around talking to 30-year-olds that seem awfully young to a lot of candidates. Having to talk to young people that are the same age as your grandchildren: that will be horrific.

But we see an opportunity for MLAs to engage young people through a series of inspired motions. First up will be a debate calling on the Executive to agree that FIFA13 is the best football game on the PS3. A private member's bill could be lodged requiring all households be linked to play computer games compulsorily for one hour a day. A question could be tabled to the Minister for Education: "Will the Minister reveal what his top score was on..." The possibilities are endless.

2+2=?

CHILDREN generally have been expected to be tested at some point in their lives: GCSE's, A Levels and even the much debated post-primary transfer test feature large in their lives.

Some testing is always good, given that it helps teacher, parents, and even the pupils themselves gauge progress. As so many children are computer literate it also seemed a good idea to have some tests on computers.

But when the computer system seemingly crashes, or gives out seemingly wrong results...such was the topic of debate this week when the Assembly’s education committee heard that testing in primary schools had gone awry, causing the Education Minister to suspend use of the computer based system until the problem had been ironed out.

Of course officials and MLAs missed out on the one way to get the mess sorted – ask a teenager to fix the problem. Fifteen minutes, a fiver and an energy drink and the problem would be solved.

But instead committee members and officials jousted with the committee chairman claiming the problem was on a par with the Ulster Bank IT failure. We bet the Ulster Bank never thought to ask a teenager either.

Here we go round and around…

Here we go round and around…

WHILE the news media and radio rantathons went round and around on all sorts of issues (you know what they are…) a few wee things may have slipped your attention; things like the economy.

Yes that little thing that puts bread on the table, milk in the fridge and a nice wee cheeky bottle of vino on your dinner table.
While hysteria and hyperbole roamed unchecked across every conceivable media outlet, the coalition government’s ministerial working group looking into giving Norn Iron tax varying powers held its last meeting and agreed to present an options paper to the PM.

The long-running saga of corporation tax is nearing its dénouement, the final act before a conclusion is brought to this saga.

Like the Skalds of ancient Scandinavian tradition, the story-tellers of political theatre have been telling the tale around corporation tax from around the last viking invasion of Strangford Lough – well it feels that way.

One must – yes you must – have a certain sympathy with the first minister and deputy first minister. They have been trying to convince the coalition and treasury of the merit of their argument for tax varying powers, as have many other members of the Executive.

Whatever the possible merits or mischances offered by lower corporation tax, Messrs Robinson and McGuinness  must feel like screaming at treasury mandarins: “Will you just make your blooming minds up!”

All going to waste

SURE what’s £3m between friends…it’s all just waste when you think about it, a waste of money turfed into a SWaMP2008 project that was meant to save money.

Yep, just as the UK government was squandering millions on a rail franchise mess, we here in l’il ole Norn Iron were not to be outdone.

SWaMP2008 was a project between Armagh, Banbridge, Cookstown, Craigavon, Dungannon, Fermanagh, Newry, Mourne and Omagh councils to develop a waste treatment initiative that would have saved ratepayers a pretty penny and potentially staved off expensive EU fines for not handling waste properly.

Instead the bidding process got caught in legal mire; with the result that SWaMP2008 has decided that it cannot risk expensive legal costs.

There are those that say that local government’s focus should be on making sure the bins are emptied properly. Of course they do much more.

Meanwhile environment minister Alex Attwood, who had hoped to see reform of local government within his lifetime, let alone the life of this assembly term, sat in the hills of the Mournes looking at the debris of his department’s national parks policy and asked of the gods of local councils: “Why me!”

Like a bridge over troubled waters…

THERE are times when we must doff our caps to local politicians. This week we tug our forelock to those in elected office, and say: “ach yer not so bad big lad!”.

We saw this week that planning approval was finally given by authorities in the south for a bridge over Carlingford Lough to connect counties Down and Louth.

With hopes high that the EU will be ready to splash the cash, we can only say on behalf of every motorist that drives between Norn Iron and its southern neighbour that it may reduce the number of cars, somewhere and somehow clogging up junctions…

And, at the same time it seems that First Minister Peter Robinson and deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness have been taking a shine to Chinese food, and we’re not talking about the local takeaway near Stormont.

It emerged this week that the dynamic duo are to make two trips to China to further economic, academic and other links – the first next month with a second trip scheduled for next year.

Despite concerns in some quarters about human rights in China (they don’t even have a Human Rights Commission like our wee one!) there is no doubt that the country is the big beast of the economies outside the US.

It is churning out high quality graduates and is rapidly subsuming many traditional brands and developing more and more innovative solutions.

We are just a tiny part of a tiny island off another island, on the outer rim of Europe. If our First Minister and deputy First Minister can get the Chinese to look at putting a few quid of investment and trade our way then it will be worth the air miles.

Welfare packages sent to weary MLAs

Welfare packages sent to weary MLAs

WE in our innocence believed that the days of filibuster speeches and epochal length debates were long gone. Were we wrong! When the not so learned members of the Norn Iron Assembly got together to debate the Second Reading of the Welfare Reform Bill things got out of hand.

For nine hours they went on, and on, and on to such an extent parliamentary correspondents visibly wilted, officials were on the verge of collapse and aid packages were being passed into the chamber.

Leading the record attempts was Michael Copeland who rounded on Sinn Féin for not laying down a ‘petition of concern’ to trigger a cross-community vote, and the Minister for Social Development for slavishly following Tory ‘they’re all plebs anyway’ policy guidance.

Not that others were shy of taking a liberty with the time used to sign off this second stage. On and on they roamed around the debate, often resorting to party name calling and ‘he said, she said’ politics; where the zero sum analysis is too often designed to make sure that the opponent has zero chance of point scoring.

Let’s call the proverbial spade a spade: this second stage was always going to go through, come hell or high water, so parliamentary time was abused. Who made the call that it should be an ‘open all hours’ debate? It was the speaker.

Who abused this? MLAs of all shapes and forms… And who wasted time with pointless interventions and cat calls? MLAs of all shapes and forms.

What happens next? Well, it’s off to committee stage for consideration, a consideration stage that already has the social development committee members pencilling most of November from their diaries to go over each and every clause of the bill.

Why is it so important that Welfare Reform is done correctly? The answers are multiple, not least the level of benefit dependency in Norn Iron.

But the fact that our MLAs are too often pre-occupied with point scoring rather than substantive debate is worrying for all who want clear, cogent debate.

There is such a thing as mature democracy expressed through mature debate…We can but dream.

Now next week we can look forward to the fun and joy of the second stage of the Education Bill…

For once a good thing happened…

YES, believe it or not, a good thing was done by Government this week. Pick yourself up off the floor and digest this; the Norn Iron Executive has announced it is doing something that provides a solution.

Calm down, we’re not making this up in an hysterical over-reaction to having too many jalapenos in our lunchtime sandwich. It really, really did happen. Government did something sensible.

Two problems, one solution. Problem one: too few qualified teachers can get jobs, and cannot gain experience to apply for teaching jobs. Problem two: low levels of literacy and numeracy in areas of multiple deprivation. Solution: two year contracts for new or recently qualified teachers to deliver increased literacy and numeracy! Out-of-the box thinking from Government! Whatever next!

Well at the same time another ‘good’ announcement was made. As some of you may know there are areas of Norn Iron were the population is not the healthiest. So, what has Government gone and done? Announced that there will be health intervention workers employed to work with 1,200 families who have poor health indicators and live in deprived areas.

Where will this all end? Will common sense break out and we can all decide to get along and be friends? Will economic stimuli be directed from the bottom up as well as top down?

Unfortunately this, very welcome initiative is about treating the symptom not the cause. Families whose children have poor literacy or numeracy outcomes are likely to descend from a generation or two of poor literacy and numeracy, and in all likelihood poor employment records.

Families with poor health outcomes often have other factors affecting those outcomes, whether through housing or ongoing, long term health issues.

What is common is the need to tackle the systemic situation that sees poor educational and health indicators grouped around particular wards. Rather than taking health, education, employment etc. as single issues, an examination of the overall situation would yield better results and therefore better ways forward. But that would require us to imagine, at least for a short moment, that our ministers and departments could think outside their silos…

In the meantime the ‘good’ thing announced by Messers Robinson and McGuinness has to be welcomed as a good start.

Open Letter to Mr Poots

DEAR Mr Poots, we respectfully ask you to close our local hospital as soon as possible, preferably within the next week. We do not wish to have our local constituency MLAs be made hypocrites of, not that this is usually a problem.

Our local constituency MLAs generally agree with everything you say about saving money and spending it on better outcomes and more care in the community.

However, as interest groups and the NIMBYs gather it is as sure as an expense claim by an MLA that our elected representatives will find a thousand ways to argue why their local hospital has to stay open.

Therefore we suggest that the consultation period on Transforming Your Care be reduced to one week, and closure plans for superfluous hospitals and A&E departments begins forthwith.

However, as to closing the nursing homes, we’ll fight ya tooth and nail! You’re not closing our local nursing home – we might need it sooner rather than late after listening to the MLAs wittering away about this.

Abortion…a modern day quagmire

ONE has to admire former PUP leader Dawn Purvis for taking on the programme director job with the Marie Stopes Clinic, while it may be an easier job than leading a party associated with certain paramilitary groups it is one fraught with issues.

Keeping within the very, very narrow legal definition of abortion in Norn Iron when guidance from the DHSSPS is so delayed will be one thing. Keeping the unholy alliance of SDLP, TUV and DUP from collapsing in collective apoplexy will be another.

And deciding when there are just enough protestors to justify extra publicity will be another.

We are not going to take a stance on whether we are pro choice or pro life or anti abortion or anti women. Frankly we can do without the hate mail.

What we will say (tentatively) is that it is seemingly impossible in Norn iron to have a debate about any issue without reference to the King James Version of the Bible…

We’re now going to have a good read at the KJV and find out where it mentions abortion and what it means by the bitter water (look it up…)

Or on the other hand we may just retire to mop our brows…

Eye on the Hill

Oh dearie dearie me

WELL here we are at the end of the summer, a summer of rain, sodden streets, wet fields and what do you know but we have used all the excess water to fill up the water cannons and soak the streets and gathered masses of unruly yobs some more. The PSNI must have decided that all the water had to be used some way.

Or was it the petrol bombs they were trying to extinguish...

What a wonderful sight, rioting returning to Belfast's streets for the traditional three-day period. It's just like Ardoyne in July: rioters ready, on you marks and you have 72 hours to create chaos, and then your time is up.

But who fired the starting pistol? Was it a bunch of idiots in band uniforms? Was it the marchers who decided to follow on? Was it the groups determined to take offence? Was it the politicians of all hues who think that once they let their jaws spring open yobs would take a hint even when one was not explicitly given?

Ahh! There's the rub. The political leaders. There now tends to be an inclination to make sure that leadership gets thrown to the side until the proverbial is flying from the fan, splattering the reputation of Norn Iron.

If we were major investors would we take the risk? If we were entrepreneurs would we even consider that 99% of the population were going about their business but avoiding the flash point? No, we'd be off like rabbits at the sound of the farmer's gun to the safety of an area where our base would not be portrayed as some pseudo-war zone.

Will the Norn Iron Executive have the will to get on the streets and work their over-inflated behinds rather than their over-inflated egos?

The Executive, for all its failings has done so much right, stumbling through their mini-crises and even managing to pass the odd bit of legislation. Many will not have agreed with what they have done, but at least they have 'done' something.

With another major parade just around the corner, if you'll excuse the pun, it is now necessary for the Norn Iron Executive to get out from behind the behind doors meetings and the staged press conferences and get working with the aggrieved, the disillusioned and the disenchanted; and not just think that you can throw money and platitudes at the problem.

Leadership and hard work can, and will, resolve the issues. Posturing will not. We look forward to the soft sound of sleeves being rolled up and the quiet, calm work that can solve problems, not make them worse.

That’s right, rights are all up the left

MORE than 14 years since first conceived in the heady, hallucinogenic airs that wafted around the Good Friday Agreement, the Norn Iron Bill of Rights is no nearer to resting at ease on the statute books.

And the Norn Iron Human Rights Commission -  the body given the job to bring about said Bill of Rights knows where to place the blame – those dreaded and dastardly ‘g’ men; the be-suited gents [Editor’s note: ‘And ladies!’] of government.

Four years ago the Human Rights Commission presented its recommendations for a Bill of Rights to the government at Westminster, where it has not exactly been top of the government’s reading pile.

After the various machinations since 1998, the chances of the Bill of Rights receiving an enthusiastic response have been not exactly great. Whether it be unionist intransigence, nationalist obduracy , or just plain awkwardness, the Bill has languished in the ‘to do’ pile for quite some time, but not as long as the 10 years it took to get recommendations to government.

And here is where we think the Human Rights Commission missed a trick: they had no specific constituency to appeal to. Not children, not pensioner, not victims – just sort of everyone.

Had they any sense they would have said this week: “The Bill of Rights will establish in law the right to parade, the right to object to parades and the right to up to, but not including, three full days of rioting.”
It would have been gained the necessary political support quicker than a caller to The Nolan Show can express indignation about something or another that they think they are indignant about.

Welcome Theresa!

AS Cabinet re-shuffles go, it was not the most inspiring or drastic, but we were all delighted to see the former Transport Minister and Euro-Sceptic Theresa Villiers toddle across the North Channel to become Secretary of State for Northern Ireland.

Ms Villiers may see this as only a slight promotion, but she may also see it as a chance to shine at a time when there is a need for leadership in Northern Ireland.
Or, as she looked at TV news bulletins of riots on the streets she may just have said…well as responsible columnists we would never repeat such language…

Ms Villiers is a former barrister and was an MEP before becoming MP for Chipping Barnet. Quite how she’ll be welcomed by Executive parties remains to be seen. Owen Paterson, for all his good intentions and congeniality did have, at times, a tendency to open his mouth to change feet. Thought by many to be a ‘good’ Secretary of State, outstanding matters had begun to pile up on his desk.

Like Corporation Tax varying powers.

Ms Villiers’ position on Corporation Tax reductions may or may not be sympathetic, but as with Mr Paterson her hands will be tied by the Treasury. Whether her legal brain can be applied to this Gordian Knot remains to be seen, but as a former Transport Minister perhaps she can advise us all on how to avoid the latest roadwork’s.

By her side will be ex-British army man Mike Penning as a Minister in the Norn Iron Office. Mr Penning served in the Grenadier Guards, including time in Northern Ireland. Whether patrolling in a Land Rover or time in barracks will give him any real insight remains to be seen.

But as a former political journalist he may be able to correct local hacks grammar.

While both are no doubt capable MPs, and one hopes also capable ministers, we do wonder why anyone would want to be at the NIO? And how many said ‘no’ before Ms Villiers agreed.

Of course, it is the chance to shine? Owen Paterson may be grateful to be promoted to DEFRA as secretary of State but what other incentive is there.

 

One suspects that there is an unwritten code for all Secretary of States for Norn Iron.  It probably reads: “Keep those lunatics from running over to London whingeing”.

Eye on the Hill

Bye Ken, nice to have had your support

WITHDRAWING the whip, it could be something out of Fifty Shades of Grey, but in political terms it is more than a slap.

So when the party whip was withdrawn from Lord Maginnis, as a result of his comments about homosexuality, he subsequently resigned from the Ulster Unionist Party. This has triggered further speculation from commentators about the acceleration of the party’s decline.

The situation does raise one pertinent question; what the UUP is all about? From the urban centres and the commenting corridors of Parliament Buildings, Lord Maginnis’s comments, that homosexuality was “unnatural and deviant”, made him seem like a doddering Diplodocus [That’s a dinosaur for the non-literate]. From the rural perspective, where much of much the party faithful reside, it is maybe not so.

Given the war of words that erupted over Health Minister Edwin Poots ban on gay men donating blood, perhaps Lord Maginnis is speaking out on behalf of the church-going, God-fearing folks? If so this presents UUP leader Mike Nesbitt with a problem. If he wants to contrast his vision of an open, liberal challenger to DUP dogma, there may be many more of Lord Maginnis’s ilk ready to call out their safety word and head for the exit.

Can you contain yourself?

C’MON we know that the Olympics and Paralympics have been a welcome distraction, but let’s face it you can hardly contain yourself now that the return of the Assembly is just over a week away.

Next week there are a few committee meetings to warm up the MLAs before the first Plenary Session of the autumn term.

Seasoned observers will be sitting down musing on the future programme of pointless debates and wittering on about legislation.

We, of course, will be taking it seriously – pens and typing fingers primed, lobbying and campaigning heads screwed on tight, and monitoring every deep breath of an MLA.

However, be aware that like school children arriving back after the summer holidays the MLAs will be faced with a significant shock at the sudden adjustment.

And they’ll also be faced with the reappearance of the corporate begging bowl. First up will be NI Water.  NI Water made a profit of £133m, but they want money to better prepare against flooding. Now, why would they want more money when they made a profit? The answer is simple and strange. All their profit goes back to Department of Regional Development.

Norn Iron’s public sector exists in such a strange world that if you do a good job you must hand back your profits. Then you can go cap in hand to ask for some money back. All this profit may even put the debate on NI Water privatisation on hold. After all, why kill the golden goose?

What this highlights is that streamlining Government may become a task that could confuse even the great mind of Professor Stephen Hawking. Splitting the Department of Employment and Learning, if achieved, will be akin to splitting the atom. While reforming local government will be like finding life on Mars.

So, with all this fun time ahead we can’t but be eager to see what way it all pans out.

Fit for nothing!

ON Thursday evening, as we prepared to down tools and set off for a nice refreshing cup of tea, we perchance took a glance at the BBC Northern Ireland ‘Politics’ web site - nearly choking with laughter.

The reason? Headline number one from Tuesday: “Views sought on fit for work tests”.

Headline number two from Wednesday: “People have say on Assembly shape.”

Well should the people ever have a say on whether the Assembly was fit for work there would a collective intake of breath from our MLAs and a sudden urge to do something, anything!

Of course the fit for work consultation is an examination of whether the Employment and Support Allowance scheme is actually protecting those who need support and encouraging those who can work get back into suitable employment.

The consultation on the Assembly is from Secretary of State, Owen Paterson, who wants to know whether we should have less MLAs, end double-jobbing (weren’t we meant to be doing that already?), extend the term of the Assembly and develop an opposition.

We suspect that there will be pretty much the same group of people interested in these consultations: people with too much time on their hands over the summer – MLAs.

While there remains question marks over the Employment and Allowance Scheme because of the amount of decisions overtaken on appeal, the last time the Social Development Minister asked the public what they thought he said there were not enough responses (you might think that this an attempt to keeping consulting until he gets the answer he wants, but we couldn’t possibly…).

On the other public consultations we immediately thought that this is a case of, you’ll excuse the cliché, turkeys voting for Christmas. What MLA in his right mind (okay few are, but leave that point to one side) would vote to put his seat at severe risk and what double jobber with expense accounts brimming will put aside the extra cash and ego-boosting benefits of being an MP and an MLA aside.

Of course some have done so, and some will say they intend to without compulsion, but we should really thank Mr Paterson for advancing this debate to yet further ends of political tedium.

Reform of the Assembly will require all sorts of jiggery pokery, which may, or may not be aided and abetted by boundary changes. And any further promised change will need primary legislation in Westminster: something not on the cards as the Tory and Lib Dems plunge headlong into their coalition electoral death pact.

The pity is that any review of the Assembly will attract little public interest outside the political classes and the rant-a-thon radio shows. There is a serious dearth of consideration of how the big decisions are made, what can be made and who should make them (in general, not party specific).

As another series of the vacuous and the vain Celebrity Big Brother kicks off with vapid deluded viewers glued to the antics of the few, as children are brought up to a diet of stupidity and 15-second cultural attention-span twittertainment, where will be the concerted effort to respond on the future of the Assembly before 23 October?
Pass on this link: http://www.nio.gov.uk/nio_consultation_on_measures_to_improve_the_operation_of_the_northern_ireland_assembly.pdf and encourage as many people as possible to respond.

We doubt that you will find many takers as they are too busy…

This consultation will end about two weeks before the Presidential Election in the Good Ol’ US of A – where despite any reservations about American politics, it at least has an energy around political debate that we can only look at with envy.

£22m for some of the ‘pop’ music thingy

WE do confess that our idea of pop music ended when that New Romantic phase in the 80s replaced the energy of punk – thus when the MTV Video Music Awards came to Belfast last year we noted that some lady who was Ga Ga arrived with a teen pre-pubescent young soul called Bieber.

Who would have thunk it then that Ms Ga Ga, young Mr Justin and Snooze Patrol could have generated £22m for Belfast. Turns out that the rocking in Belfast last November might just have been the resounding clatter of cash registers as hoteliers giggled with glee and speciality caterers arrived with all the blue MM’s removed from the platter. (This is a music related ‘rider’ joke associated with the demands of pop stars, or so we are assured by one of the more hip and trendy members of our staff!)

It is quite remarkable that the Belfast City Council can generate this type of figure and have it carried in the media with such delight – we reckon the true benefit from the MTV Video Music Awards may be much higher.

Cynical souls such as us are used to knocking incompetent spending and lack of decision-making associated with local politicians that we have had to take a step back and actually say ‘well done’ to this rare piece of good marketing. And at £840,000 it is cheap at the proverbial price. Added to that the Titanic centenary, the golf marketing and Game of Groans – sorry Thrones – it does seem that if nothing else Norn Iron is getting a wee bit more positive coverage with all the associated tourism benefits.

How much of that £22m will translate into ongoing success remains to be seen, but we do, sincerely hope that should another massive event such as the MTV Video Music Awards come to town two things will be put right: firstly the fawning local media will not go into hyperbole mode for global stars while ignoring local talent the rest of the year; and secondly that our antiquated licensing laws won’t tell the visiting celebs that the only parties we have here are political parties.

Politics has been cancelled

IT is now official, politics has been cancelled due to lack of interest. With Norn Iron Olympians standing higher in the medal table than those in many larger regions, collective euphoria and wall-to-wall coverage, there is no point in pretending that there is the slightest chance of intelligent political discourse. Then again in Norn Iron intelligent political discourse is an oxymoron.

The economy may be going to hell in an Olympic-sized handbasket, Syria may be disintegrating into ever more bloody civil war, and mankind has landed a rover on Mars but it all matters not a bit as long as we have boxers and rowers on the medal rostrum.

However, should rioting, and anti-riot policing ever become an Olympic sport we are in with a good shout of a medal, so long as it doesn't go to the (CC)TV camera footage to decide the winners and losers...

But when the medals are in the trophy cabinets and the civic receptions all concluded, will there be an Olympic legacy for Norn Iron.

With austerity still wrestling like a competitor struggling back into their tracksuit, and threats of cuts, cuts and more cuts, will there be any spare change left for community sports facilities, coaching and will our leisure centres, home to so many grass-roots Olympians, be saved from the local council axes?

There has already been a commitment from sports minister Caral Ní Chúliann that boxing will be given more support. However, the real legacy will be a generation inspired to get off their fat rear ends and actually do something rather than stare at vacuous rantings on computer screens (editor's note: we're going for a brisk walk as soon as we've finished this vacuous rant...).

We can only hope that our politicians and the civil servants who stalk their every move can also get off their bloated egos and over-sized rear ends and actually do something: the 100metre dash to the division hall, the 800m race to pass some legislation and the triathlon of imagination at solving whatever crisis there is this week.

Warning – Armed Minister

CRITICS be warned – Health Minister Edwin Poots has a gun and ain’t afraid to use it. Yes, the Minister for Health, Social Service and Public Safety took up arms to fire his shotgun in the air to warn off intruders.

Given the spate of rustling and theft of farm machinery, this was no doubt justified. However, had he aimed his weapon and achieved a hit with the buckshot then he could have called an ambulance and called the A&E department warning them to fast track the case.

But we believe that Minister Poots actions could set a new precedent for arming our Ministers. While this may make a certain tubby radio presenter a little bit nervous, it would also make meeting ministers interesting. “Yes, Minister for Social Development we do want more funding….Hold on! Is the safety catch off that shotgun!”

Perhaps more interestingly it would make sure that civil servants would be a little more respectful of their ministers. “Yes, Minister, now if you’ll lower that shotgun I’ll make sure the work is actually done this time.”

On a more serious note, it does highlight the issue that gun control is being reviewed in Northern Ireland, and given the events in Aurora, Colorado last week, we can be thankful that even a Minister has to make sure he has the appropriate approvals and controls on owning a weapon; otherwise who knows what may face farmers when rustlers appear.