Promises, promises...don’t give me your promises! #ae11

YOU really know when an election is in full swing! It’s when parties can make a whole series of empty promises. Yes, roll-up, roll-up to hear how all the problems of Norn Iron can be solved by just voting for the party that promises the most!

This week we have the DUP saying there will be no increase in student fees and no water charges. Sammy Wilson may be the prophet of economic doom before the election, but largesse seems to have been found somewhere.

We do wonder what sort of cuts elsewhere will need to be made to pay for this, and whether his future party colleagues will agree to these.

And, Sinn Féin is in on the act too now. They’re promising a referendum on a united Ireland, knowing full well that it will not gain the necessary cross-community backing. That’s not to mention aiming for an all-island health service free at the point of delivery, despite knowing that the Dáil will need several months of cutting everything to be able to afford a fraction of the cost involved in realising this. An unlikely scenario, given the crippling debt repayments the country is having to make thanks to the profligacy of its banks.

So, if you believe these promises – along with the bright shiny talk emanating from the other parties – we urge you to remember the last Executive. Round that big table at Stormont Castle parties had difficulty agreeing and taking decisions on a number of big ticket issues; the future of our children’s education, local government reform, ending double jobbing... When a prospective MLA comes round your door, don’t ask them their policies or promises. Instead ask them if they think they can get their coalition colleagues to agree with them. Expect a fudged answer at best.

Windmills at Stormont! #ae11

THE Green Party has declared that Norn Iron can be a low-carbon region. While this is laudable, it does not make any recommendations as to how we can reduce the global warming caused by the hot air spewing forth from Parliament Buildings during plenary debates!

During an idle moment we considered the options.

Not to state the obvious, but despite recent appearance of the big shiny ball in the sky, solar power isn’t really a runner for much of our energy needs.

However, there two weather elements that we have in copious quantities – wind and rain. Starter for 10 – every new home has to have a big barrel that’s contents are used for flushing the loo. Wait until our politicians do their sums again and realise they need to charge us for water, before Norn Iron goes broke; you’ll see a rush on rain barrels.

Which leads us on to wind power. While there are some funky wind farms out there and others being planned, we think that we can make savings by using small ideas. Remember as a child you had the wee windmills on the end of a plastic stick? You don’t – childhood poverty must go back a few years!

Well, to cut to the chase, the walk up to Parliament Buildings is cold and windy most of the year; so fit hundreds if not thousands of these wee windmills along the way, each connected to a rechargeable battery. Simple – MLAs could even use these batteries to keep their mobile phones charged the next time they feel the need to call Stephen Nolan...

All of this was going to be a lead up to a literary reference about spotting which Assembly candidate has been tilting at windmills, but instead it is an allusion to the fact that like it or not, the economy will need to be top of the agenda, if the new Executive is to keep even half the promises being made during this election!

Confused? You’re not alone!

WE believed with all sincerity that the forthcoming convergence of Assembly and council elections was a good thing, but now we’re worried about the poor voter.

Adorning lampposts across Norn Iron is the usual kaleidoscope of party contenders. On a short journey across varied highways and byways we spotted a variety of party hopefuls.

In some areas, parties have two lists of candidates on the same lamppost, and other areas the same candidates are running as Assembly candidates and council candidates (we got that from the post from Mark McGregor and subsequent debate on Slugger O’Toole).

Which means that the poor voter will be confronted with a two different ballot papers; sometimes with completely different names, and sometimes with the same names?

But we have a cunning plan. In four years time, they’ll have to pick one or the other! What! Has that been suggested already? Oh, so it has! And rejected... Ho Hum, another cunning plan then: when the parties have had their fun, we’ll cut the number of local councils! What! Has this been suggested already? Oh, so it has! And rejected...Ho Hum, our last attempt at a cunning plan then: MLAs to actually make a decision! Now that really would be something worth voting for!

From whence the mainstream emerged

FOR years and years anoraks across the land have been predicting the end of mainstream journalism; when a cast of thousands of citizen journalists (a.k.a. anoraks) will tell the tales that the newspapers and broadcast media have neither the time nor the inclination to cover.

Like all the ‘truths’ told in Norn Iron, it is only half the truth and less than a quarter of the facts.

Blogs, comment boards, Twitter, Facebook and every other half popular social media outlet has been pouring from the keyboards of frustrated so-called experts with increasing fervour and vitriol since the Obama election was proclaimed by those who ran out of hyperbole as the web2.0 election.

While the Westminster election acted as the warm-up here, this time Norn Iron has been deluged by every sort of commentator making the cross-over between social and mainstream media as the Assembly elections draw ever closer – not to mention the local government polls and AV referendum.

While the journey leaders of Mark Devenport at the BBC and Mick Fealty and his cohorts on Slugger O’Toole have been blogging for years, we have now a raft of Tweet Ups, UTV specials, Nolan Show and Talkback Twitter comments, party tweet ups and a clamour to integrate and populate the debate.

Hurrah! The electorate can get involved, cheer on the policies they want and spout forth with ranks of amateurs raising their voices.

Twitter feeds signed up to by politicos that were silent for months have suddenly come alive, Facebook statuses are now updated regularly, and we’ve even had the opportunity to read about candidates experiences out canvassing.

Which all bodes well one would think. But we have a dark nagging fear, as we lie awake at night... We fear that a lot of the political aspect of social media here is of interest to us anoraks, while the rest of the country use social media to, well to be social!

The true test will come in terms of turn-out. Did the extra effort on the web really engage the electorate? We hope so, but in the meantime there are a few comments we need to post...anoraks of the world unite: after all, the geeks will inherit the earth.

What shape the NI Executive?

ACCORDING to two parties, the Norn Iron Executive (that is our powersharing cabinet) was a dysfunctional trading floor, where bullying and stitch-ups were the norm.

At least one other party wants to reform it, for what appears to be singular self interest.

But, realistically, what cabinet is not dysfunctional, made up of compromise and occasional ill-will? We only need to reflect on the Tory/Lib Dem cabinet to see it in action in Whitehall, and cast your mind back to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher’s tenure at Downing Street, and the various biographies show that she had to compromise with the ‘Wets’ no matter what might have been said by the Iron Lady in public.

So, realistically, barring a total meltdown in the vote of the UUP and SDLP, it will be a cabinet where Sinn Féin and the DUP carve up the issues they agree on, fight on ideological issues, ignore junior parties and hand out money to the justice budget whenever David Ford creases his beard.

Given the recent attacks and murder of Constable Ronan Kerr, a dysfunctional, rowing Executive may be a price worth paying.

Media confused but battling on as usual

YOU cannot get moving across the mainstream media broadcast channels and the acres of newsprint without seeing a political analysis. You can at least switch off the party political broadcasts, but BBC, UTV and the main three daily papers are crowded by politicians and pundits.


But there is an element of confusion appearing in the coverage.

The more enlightened (or naive) journalist wants to talk about health, education, water charges or other ‘proper’ political topics. Talk shows on the radio are even devoting hour long specials on these.

In the meantime, McGinty’s goat is sure that as long as you pin the right rosette on him close to election he’ll get voted in.

Phoney campaign over

THE phoney war may be over, and the jabs and punches being thrown since the May election last year have been merely a prelude to a full-on conflict.

But we need to be clear. This is a truly sectarian vote. Before you find a high horse to mount while muttering about a new Northern Ireland and the return of normal politics, hold on a moment.

It is sectarian in terms of the unionists trying to take votes off each other, and the nationalists trying to take votes off each other.

Sinn Féin will not capture many disgruntled DUP or UUP voters. Any first preference votes they gain will be at the expense of the SDLP and vice versa. No UUP voters will switch to Sinn Féin, nor will any gravitate that way from the DUP.

So it is a sectarian slugging match waged on each side of the tribal fence, which leaves the Alliance Party caught in the middle as usual...

Like Rory, who will choke on the final run-in?

WHILE all hearts go out to unsuccessful Masters golfer Rory McIlroy, the question is which party will choke as May 5th comes closer.

Rory played wonderfully and already unfair commentators are concentrating on his final round, rather than the other three fantastic days. But while Rory will grow and learn from his mistakes throughout the summer tours, political parties have only one shot at the Assembly every four years; one misplaced drive at the opposition and voters are less forgiving than the Augusta course around Amen Corner.

Will the rifts that appeared in the UUP be papered over to preserve the vote? Will Caitriona Ruane’s poll rating as the least popular minister affect her electoral chances? Can Alliance capitalise on Naomi Long’s Westminster poll or slide back into perennial pretenders? Will the DUP smite once more the TUV’s challenge?

The hustings are unforgiving places for any politician, and the battle won’t be won or lost by who has the most posters on the lampposts. Instead we have a new phenomenon creeping into the election – the reactivated social media politician!

During the Westminster election politicians scrambled on to Twitter and Facebook, and then promptly forgot about it! Now, as an election looms that may affect their pay packets you cannot get moving on Twitter for tweets from parties and increasingly desperate candidates.

Goodness only know how any normal people are expected to organise parties, keep track of sporting fixtures when politicians are clogging up social sites, and punters are changing predictions daily on the same.

In the meantime, there is something particularly unforgiving about the social media. In previous elections what was said on telly or in the papers was quickly forgotten. But in the social media what is said is not forgotten. It is there forever. One wrong word, one misplaced phrase can come back to haunt; one post about the opposition can be cast back whenever your enemies choose.

We think we might just actually read some of those Tweets and Facebook updates – who knows what material we may find there!

It’s bread and butter politics

FIRST Minister Peter Robinson claims that this will be the first set of Northern Ireland elections that deal with ‘everyday issues’.

On one level, our esteemed political commentators and pundits have been waxing lyrical about Peter’s implicit move to this stance as an indication of maturity from the DUP supremo, confident that the constitutional issue is resolved.

Amid pops at other parties, Mr Robinson – who once allegedly led men in berets up a hill – spoke about jobs, care for the elderly and generally issues that would accord him a position on the centre right if he was in any other country.

But Norn Iron is not any other country. Buckfast is regarded as a table wine in some parts, while less than a mile away only the finest Beaujolais will do; if riots were an Olympic sport we’d show Johnny Foreigner how to win a gold in throwing petrol bombs: yes Norn Iron is a wee bit different.

Only here would pictures of kids wearing balaclavas and toting AK47s appear in newspapers alongside wannabe fame babes and lifestyle columns. Only here would there be more Mercedes Benz and BMW’s per head of population than any other part of Europe, alongside soaring levels of child poverty.

So when Mr Robinson talks about everyday issues, he might care to remember that the vast, vast majority of the population has been getting on with everyday issues during the entire span of his political career.

The so-called bread and butter politics of health and social services, our segregated education system, community policing, creating jobs and manning the dole offices are the reality that never stops.

Like all the politicians standing for election, the DUP might care to speak to an electorate that has been less and less likely to make it way to the polling stations.

But then again seeing as there are three polls in one day perhaps we all just might turn out and vote on everyday issues. Now if only there was an everyday political party to vote for.

Questions, questions...

DEMOCRACY doesn’t come cheap. In fact it is damned expensive.

And we’re not talking about all that ballot box nonsense that rolls around every couple of years.

No we’re talking about the cost of answering questions MLAs pose of Executive ministers.

Minister for Health, Social Services and Public Safety Michael McGimpsey revealed – in answer to a written question - that written questions cost £300 to answer and oral answers cost £925 to answer.

It also emerged – in response to a written question - that 8,160 hours have been spent answering such questions. We were going to calculate all that out, but frankly our wee pocket calculator cannot cope with sums so big.

But it did come up with one answer we were initially confused with. At first we couldn’t understand the reading; we turned it this way and that, until we accidentally read it in the mirror. The answer it seems read like this: “This is the price of accountability”.

We wonder which ministers and which MLAs will be found accountable come May 5th.