Wise men came from the east

IT is said that the wise men came from the east. And every Glentoran fan maintains this to be the case. But can a wise woman from the east represent the ‘wise men’ from the east in Westminster?

It’s set to be the battle of the party leaders as Peter Robinson seeks to enhance his 49% poll share last time out in East Belfast and Sir Reg Empey, MLA for the area, wants to nibble away at the DUP poll backing with his Westminster candidate for the consitituency, former Irish rugby star, Trevor Ringland.

And into the fray is the Lord Mayor, Naomi Long of the Alliance Party.

In the past two elections in East Belfast, Alliance has been nudging the 20% mark. Given Ms Long’s profile as Mayor, she could attract a few extra votes. But where will these come from? Will it be from DUP female voters? Or will her moderate tones appeal to UUP voters who are Tory refusniks? Or will it be from Sinn Féin voters who think that Ms Long is so nice she deserves that wee ‘x’ on the ballot paper?

Where Naomi takes votes from could indicate so much. On the other hand it will show so little in the first past the post poll.

What can be said definitively is that should Ms Long drive a wedge between the unionist dominance, the Liberal Democrats would be eternally grateful for what would effectively be an extra seat when it comes to bargaining in what the pollsters predict will be a hung Parliament.

Et tu Brute?

IN one of the defining Shakespearian scenes, Caesar turns to the man landing his fatal stab wound. He gazes upon his killer and asks of the man he assumed was his friend, ‘Et tu Brute’. For those of you who missed studying Latin in state school, or for whom Shakespeare is written in a foreign language the appropriate Belfast translation is ‘Brutus? I thought ye were me mate?’

Alan McFarland, whilst no doubt wrestling with his conscience, must have thought long and hard about delivering the blow of his resignation from the Ulster Unionist Party. Will it be a fatal blow?

With the election date set to be announced in a few days, Mr McFarland’s resignation is timely for the opponents of the Conservatives and Unionists, but also comes far enough from the suspected polling date that it cannot be seen as being vindictive.

Mr McFarland’s decision is as a result of him being uncomfortable with the UUP/Tory marriage of convenience.

Fair play to a man of conscience, but it also places some doubt over Mr McFarland’s future as an MLA after 2011. Last time out he got in as the last candidate elected, just 731 votes ahead of the next placed candidate, from the DUP.

While a week is a long time in politics, a year is not nearly long enough to decide where exactly he is to sit in the Assembly chamber come plenary sessions. DUP benches? Not likely. But then again there is also that other North Down independently minded MLA in the shape of the Green Party’s Brian Wilson to sit alongside.

Deal? Or no deal?

WITH the North Down settling down to a straight shoot out between the Conservatives and Unionist candidate Ian Parsley and the independent unionist Lady Sylvia Hermon, attention has been turned to the other constituencies.

North Antrim looks like being a straight contest between the TUV’s Jim Allister and the DUP’s Ian Paisley Jnr. But elsewhere the DUP has dangled a particularly tasty carrot to the Conservatives and Unionists.

Said Carrot is that the DUP will step aside in either South Belfast, or Fermanagh/South Tyrone, thereby all but ensuring a unionist will occupy those seats.

On the face of it a sensible ‘unionist unity’ approach: but there are a few problems, the main one being that Sir Reg Empey and his bedfellow, Conservative Leader David Cameron have said ‘no way, Jose’!

Cameron has pledged that the Tories will fight every seat in the UK.

Also, who would be the ones to pick the constituency? Would there be a panel of arbitration?

“Tell you what we’re farmers so we’ll go with the sticks”. “Nah, we’re getting a wee bit of heat from the media and South Belfast contains some housing developments…so fresh country air seems a good idea.”

The more cynical of commentators could surmise that the DUP don’t want to be anywhere near South Belfast, but lest you assume we are cynical, it is much more rational to assume that trying to embarrass the Tories and Ulster Unionists was too much of a chance to pass up.

And therein lies the rub. For all the DUP, TUV, Tory/UUP and other assorted election battles, it is never really about battling republicanism or nationalism. It really has only ever been about who has unionist bragging rights.

End of an era

IAN Paisley Snr took his final bow at Westminster this week, with his coda being a final question at PMQs.

The Prime Minister took the time to pay tribute to the ‘Big Man’, while Secretary of State Shaun Woodward gave a send-off to that other veteran MP who is packing in Parliament, Eddie McGrady.

They were two men whose work in the headlines often over-shadowed other matters, such as their toiling on behalf of the rural community and many, many constituencies.

Throughout the Troubles they were two of the voices many associated with commentary or even invective, voices called upon for comment in the wake of tragedy.

With the passing from the political spotlight some may regard it as the ending of an era.

But, one thing is sure; with Paisley passing from the Parliamentary stage…the volume levels on your TV and radio will no longer need to be adjusted when Northern Ireland questions and debates are covered.

Epic avoidance?

NO-ONE has ever accused Education Minister Caitriona Ruane of failing to miss an opportunity to outline her case. This week, she took it all to the next level.

In an answer to a written Assembly question from DUP MLA Lord Browne on the potential cost to the Department of Education of ending funding for prep schools, Ms Ruane said that it was an equality issue, not an economic issue…in the 16th paragraph of her answer!

Myself alone

THE much predicted came to pass this week when Lady Sylvia Hermon MP officially snubbed her erstwhile party colleagues to declare that she would stand as an independent in the parliamentary poll.

Of course, her not agreeing with the electoral link between the Ulster Unionists and the Tories was the main factor in Lady Sylvia resigning and deciding to run as an independent candidate.

This, of course makes North Down one of the more interesting constituencies when the anticipated May election comes around.

There’ll be a former Alliance councillor running as a candidate for the Conservatives and Unionists and there’ll be a former Ulster Unionist MP running as an independent.

This means that the DUP could hold the balance of power…

Should the DUP run a candidate would they be able to run through the middle of the Tory/UUP and independent candidates? If they decided, as has been rumoured, not to run North Down what would the impact be for Ian Parsley and Lady Sylvia Hermon?

As for the Alliance Party, well there are rumours that they have a Fatwa on Mr Parsley who last year was their candidate in the Euro elections, before defecting to the Tories.

North Down more interesting than North Antrim? Whatever next?

X marks the spot

Jack considers his options as an MP

ARRRGGHH there be gold for those that follow ye old pirate map that shows the way to Westminster…well there used to be!

In days of yesteryear, before freedom of information requests and expenses scandals, politicians seeking your ‘x’ on the Westminster ballot paper could look forward to finding a veritable trove of delights, should they persuade enough of us to ink the appropriate box.

But now the focus is just getting your vote.

And election fever has kicked into high gear, with almost all the candidates poised to hit the stump.

First out of the blocks in launching their campaign has been the DUP, with their errrrr inspirational and snappy ‘Let’s Keep Northern Ireland Moving Forward’ election campaign launched with suitable fanfare in Belfast on Thursday.

And, words came forth from party leader Peter Robinson like “contrite” and “apologise”. Who would have thought?

However, the main announcement was that DUP MLAs who scored with a Westminster seat would have to quit as MLA when they become an MP.

One has to wonder whether they would have taken such a tack had there not been such a public furore.

Let’s hope that all parties seeking an MP’s salary will take a similar course.

And, within the DUP there is an exception to the rule – the Party Leader will be allowed to be both an MP and an MLA should he be elected again to Westminster.

That means he will be an MP, an MLA, Party Leader and, at least for another year or so First Minister. Maybe we’ve got the maths wrong, but that’s quadruple jobbing.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right…

MONDAY’S weekly Assembly slanging match was all about the Education Minister ending the funding of preparatory schools this coming September.

The decision was greeted by howls of fury from any given unionist, plus mild grumping from the SDLP and Alliance.

Caitriona Ruane is once again proving herself to be a dab hand at annoying as many middle class people as she can.

But, one can’t but help wonder why the Unionist fury was so delayed. None of the political parties responded to the Department of Education’s public consultation on the issue. Jim Shannon did so, but as an individual MLA, not a party representative.

Seems they missed that consultation in the same way that Caitriona Ruane missed out on consulting the Children’s Commissioner, children, young people, pupils at preps, in fact pretty much a fair swathe of people who might genuinely have something to say on her proposed decision.

In the debate, Minister Ruane was accused of launching an ideological Jihad, which her Rottweiler-in-chief John O’Dowd was quick to dismiss with more verbal brickbats returned across the chamber.

Here’s a quick summary of what’s happening on the education front: academic selection is ending, but it’s not ending; some Roman Catholic schools are amalgamating, but some aren’t; some children know which primary school they will be going to in September and some don’t …

Education in Northern Ireland…where the children are stuck in the middle!

Suitable replacement

WHEN it comes to finding a suitable replacement for Iris Robinson, it seems that one of the key criteria is the ability to get turfed out of Assembly debates.

Step forward one Jonathan Bell. Barely 12 weeks into being an MLA, he gets kicked out of a debate on preparatory school funding, after accusing Education Minister, Caitriona Ruane of ‘misleading’ the chamber.

Nice work Mr Bell, nice to see you’re keeping Iris’s record of ejections running. What next?

Popping down for a video

IT used to be that when you wanted to catch a film that you had missed at the cinema you nipped down to your local video store rented the film and popped it into the old video cassette recorder.

With the advent of satellite and cable TV and downloadable films, the days of the video recorder are numbered.

But, the DUP have discovered that video has new and interesting uses that don’t involve all that tedious nipping down to the shops.

Environment Minister Edwin Poots wants to use the power of video to stop all that tedious nipping down to Dublin.

Edwin wants to use the power of video conferencing to avoid face-to-face meetings of the North South Ministerial Council.

And as Environment Minister it makes perfect sense for him to cut down on the old carbon footprint.

What next – a culture minister doing cultural things, or maybe even a Social Development Minister being sociable…

Gospel according to elections: Chapter 72: verse 8

ELECTIONS are by their nature media circuses.

This time around the Westminster poll is set to have media stars of various shades setting forth to gain a coveted seat in the House of Commons.

Latest media star to enter the fray is Fearghal McKinney, latterly political correspondent of UTV and frontman for Fermanagh TV. Fearghal is hoping to snatch the Fermanagh and South Tyrone constituency.

He joins former UTV colleague Mike Nesbitt, who is entering the fray in Strangford.

Word has recently emerged that the actors union Equity may be set to challenge these nominations. Their argument is that as fully paid up actors, MPs should not be forced to work with rank amateur actors who can’t act and only work off auto-cues. They say that generations of parliamentarians have been acting as rational human beings for centuries, the last thing they need is someone who professionally questioned their rationality.

Then we have a Freddie Mercury tribute singer (‘Flash’ Harry Hamilton) and his rival for the Upper Bann seat, gospel singer David Simpson. Rather than voting, maybe there should be a sing-off between the two with Mike and Fearghal as judges, and a text vote from the public as the decider.

Simon Cowell has expressed an interest in this option. As this is a first past the post poll, it really will matter where you put your ‘X’. Bring on Northern Ireland’s first X-Factor election.

Voting for Confidence

The four Tenors sing

'El Agreemento del HIllsborough'

THERE is an air of confidence pervading over the forthcoming vote on policing and justice. Both First and deputy First Ministers seem content that they can achieve sufficient cross-community and cross-party support to win the day.


The DUP has done the maths about whether they really need the UUP as a signifier of community confidence. And with the Tory hierarchy leaning towards the devolution of policing and justice, it seems that pressure may be brought to bear for an abstention at least.


Factor in that the SDLP are on the proverbial horns of a dilemma. They want devolution of policing and justice in principle, but can’t be seen as too close to Sinn Féin. There may again be an abstention – or a huff over not getting the job!


In other words, if it comes to a vote the DUP and Sinn Féin are pretty confident!


Party grandees may not, however, be quite as confident about the Westminster election if either side is seen as not being able to deliver!

Smooth move

CULTURE Minister Nelson McCausland has long been a sort of Aunt Sally for Sinn Féin to throw their cultural dispersions at.


After all, the sabbatarian champion of all things Ulster-Scots has been a vocal opponent of all things Gaelic.


With a deft flick of the funding wrist Nelson wrong-footed his nay-sayers by approving half a million pounds for An Cultúrlann.


No matter that his pen may have hesitated before signing on the dotted line, the approval was given for the funding package.


But in Norn Iron nothing is simple.


So far, together with Nelson, the queue to claim credit for the funding includes Martin McGuinness and Margaret Ritchie. Is that the whiff of an election in the air?

Big man’s penultimate bow

The Big Man and Bertie

EVERYONE has to end their time in the sun, whether voluntarily or reluctantly. The decision by the Rev Dr Ian Paisley – a.k.a. The Big Man – not to stand for Westminster attracted global headlines. Seriously – news outlets from Bangor to Bangkok decided it was worthy of attention.


Of course there still remains the matter of whether The Big Man will quit his North Antrim Assembly seat in 2011, but like, loathe, love or abhor him, politics will be much duller for his absence.


In a world dominated by the grey, Ian Paisley was a splash of rhetorical colour. Some of what he said was offensive to some, a salve to others; some of what he said made sense, some seemed akin to the ravings of the unhinged.


And, it was this mixture of reactions that many struggled to encapsulate this week.


As attention turned to the so-called ‘battle royale’ between TUV leader Jim Allister and, at this stage unconfirmed candidate, Ian Jnr, commentators and the public struggled for the best way to describe the legacy of The Big Man.


Did his sermons and evangelistic unionism keep the Troubles going on longer than they should? Would Sunningdale have worked? Were the Anglo-Irish Agreement protests the catalyst in Dublin and London that would pave the way to the eventual Good Friday Agreement? And what were the jokes he shared with Marty?


But all seem to be agreed that the answer to whether he will be forgotten is “NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!”

The power of the internet!

THE much heralded and much damned interweb has been a boon for and the bane of politicians.

As the evidence from the US proved, a well run online campaign can lead to electoral victory.

But when the political chips are stacked against a politician, or that politician is mired in a ‘scandal’ the world wide web becomes a voracious beast, sucking up rumour and innuendo; a place where leaks can be contrived or accidental.

The name of Iris Robinson’s alleged teenage lover was online well before Spotlight aired, and mainstream media stories are trailed before the prints roll.

All this heralds the dawn of a new age for politics in Northern Ireland: in previous years a spin doctor had only political correspondents and the corridor gossip of Stormont to contend with.

Now they have to deal with the great unwashed even when there’s no election afoot!

Which means that there are potentially hundreds of thousands of people who can freely express their views and opinions at all hours of the day; people who can pass on stories within seconds; and people who can spread allegations before lawyers have woken up.

While the risk of these allegations finding their way into court always exists, the damage to a politician can be extensive before the courts or mainstream media have considered the story.

So, we may have dawning upon us the age when a spin doctor’s job is to co-ordinate responses, monitor blogs and forums and generally make sure his party masters have a strategic presence and plan for the world wide web.

Look forward to advertisements reading “communications officer required; must be a political anorak and a web geek”.

Planning upheaval…and it’s not RPA

FOR years local councils have had a consultative voice in the planning process.

The plan under the Review of Public Administration is for planning to become the responsibility of local councils.

There already were some question marks against the new 11 councils taking over planning, but against the context of the furore surrounding Iris Robinson’s alleged access to property developers’ cheque books the entire planning process has come under the spotlight.

A recent meeting of the Assembly’s environment committee concluded that it needed to write to the DUP Environment Minister about what role the committee should have in any investigations into the controversy surrounding the Robinson issue.

Which can only lead to a reasonable person to ask how many investigations are needed? Westminster, the Assembly Ombudsman, Castlereagh council…is this a case of investigation envy.

Of course, it isn’t just the Robinson family that has been hitting headlines. The Adams family has had its share of unwelcome time under the glare of the media spotlight, with allegations of unreported allegations against Liam Adams, brother of Sinn Féin party leader Gerry Adams.

Ian Paisley Junior has asked the Assembly Ombudsman to investigate whether Gerry broke any rules. Sure what’s another investigation among friends? After all, if policing and justice is devolved, our MLAs will need something to talk about.

Parade issue unresolved…

THE future of the Parades Commission has been secured for another year with the Secretary of State announcing he is to re-appoint the Commissioners.

With parading proving to be one of the DUP sticking points over the devolution of policing and justice, there’s unlikely to be any immediate joy on that front.

And with the post-primary education debacle still not set for resolution and establishment of the new Education and Skills Authority stalled, there is a collective sense of ennui over some of the moribund political issues of the day.

In other words, 2009 is ending with little big picture progress, lots of small achievements and 2010 begins with a backlog of issues for MLAs.

And with a general election looming, there is a fear that posturing will become the default position rather than seeking progress on the outstanding issues.

But until then have a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous, Happy New Year!

DUP cash payback secret

THE DUP has decided not to say how much their MPs had to pay back in Parliamentary expenses.

The SDLP, Sinn Féin and the Ulster Unionist MPs on the other hand have all divulged how much they’ve coughed up in re-payment of expenses.

Seven of the nine DUP Parliamentarians were asked to re-pay money in the wake of the Legge Review, but just how much each have re-paid has not been revealed.

One wonders why not? Conspiracy theorists feel free to fill any blanks…or call the Nolan Show.

We don’t need no education…

LET’S all just pack it in when it comes to education. There’s no point anymore.

The folks who hang out at Parliament Buildings can barely agree what day of the week it is, let alone sort out our education system.

The latest debacle sees claims that there will be meltdown as the legislation to create the body that will replace the education and library boards will not be passed in time. This means there will be no legislatively recognised organisation to do the mundane stuff…you know like hiring teachers, organising repairs to schools damaged by vandalism.

Of course, this, like the chaos over the post-primary transfer, is nobody’s fault. Sinn Féin say it is the DUP’s fault. The DUP say it is Sinn Féin’s fault. The UUP, SDLP and Alliance parties aren’t really sure whose fault it is, but it sure as hell wasn’t their fault!

Imagine you are a child or young person, who has teachers helping them through lessons supporting them and when needed disciplining them. On the commute to school or listening to the news with parents that child would be well justified in asking when teacher is going to instill a little discipline amongst our MLAs.

And those steps leading up to the big house….well you could fit all 108 of them on to the naughty steps. Schoolchildren can harangue the elected representatives until they agree to at least agree on one thing, just one thing before being allowed back into the playroom, sorry chamber.

You’re not very efficient

THE spat between the UUP and DUP over health funding rolls on, with Sammy ‘Former Economics Teacher’ Wilson telling hospitals they lagged behind England’s 12% increase in productivity.

Michael ‘Cheery’ McGimpsey said that the health service here had already achieved a 7% increase in productivity.

To the lay person – mere mortals not working in the Big House or health service management – these percentages must seem a bit daft. How can a hospital consultant be more productive? Quickie operations? How can a midwife be more productive? Hurry along with the labour there dearie!

Of course, Sammy was driving at efficiencies such as reducing management tiers.
But hasn’t the health service supposed to have made good progress in terms of the reforms required following Review of Public Administration – and all this at a time when the health service is under greater pressure than ever before.

Which, of course means that some might view Sammy’s comments as party political rather than an attempt to instill financial prudence in our health service…nah, none of our politicians would ever do that!